Okay, you got me, I like a good party! But then, who doesn't?
Nothing too crazy (uh, most of the time), but I’ve been known to partake in a good hang session with my friends, have a few drinks, smoke some weed and have a good ass time. It’s not usually a big deal, except for one weekend where I found that I was going to have a freaking drug test for a job the next week.
Dude, I was stressing hella hard!
Like everyone else I had bills and a mortgage to pay and was a good employee so I didn't want to lose the job I had worked so hard for just because I liked to let my hair down and de-stress at the weekend after a long, hard week. It just didn't seem fair. But what could I do to beat the fun police?
I decided to do some research. One minute of google searching later, and I realized that I definitely didn’t have enough time to wait for the THC to leave my system (website said it could take anywhere from five days to three months!), and I knew I didn’t want to try some crazy supplement that promised to detox my whole body in 24 hours (sounds kind of shady to me).
After looking at my options, I figured fake piss was my best choice.
I decided to try a few brands at home to see which one gave me the best results. No way was I going into that test without totally trusting my product. I looked online and found a few different brands such as U-Pass and Quick Fix to get delivered to my house.
Because I was deep in research mode, I went out to the head shop to see if they had any recommendations or advice. When I was there, I saw U Pass for sale (not up ass, pervs! Pronounced like “you pass”).
I bought it, along with some home testing kits and set out to see which one worked the best.
I was only going to trust my future to a product that I knew was going to give the 'right' result for me and save my job.
I know it seems crazy, but synthetic urine is actually big business. Initially, scientists made it in the lab to help calibrate different pee testing equipment. Thanks, guys!
They made it specifically to mimic the chemical and physical properties of normal human urine, which makes it perfect for, you know, passing a pee screening test.
Besides a drug test, there are lots of OTHER reasons you might want to use synthetic urine, scientist or not.
The sexual kind. Okay, this one’s up front because U-Pass is actually labeled as “Fetish Urine”. Look, pee and sex don’t mix for everyone, but I don’t judge what floats your boat! Pee is obviously a biological waste product and contains some impurities and toxins, so some people might not consider it the most sanitary thing on the planet.
Synthetic pee provides a clean, but still a realistic alternative. With synthetic urine, people can get off, not get sick! It lets you be kinky without being stinky.
This is actually one of the most common reasons that people buy synthetic urine. Fake piss can stop animals like deer and rabbits from messing with a garden and eating all the stuff you were gonna turn into your dinner.
Is there anything funnier than messing with your buddies? Seriously, fake pee is perfect for dumping all over your passed out friend or on someone’s clothes. You can still get a laugh without actually having to deal with any pee.
Also, the person being pranked might be less inclined to go for a full ass kicking if they know it’s not real urine. No promises on that last one, though.
As you can probably tell by now, I’m no doctor. If I were, I probably wouldn’t be the kind who recommends pee as a cure. However, there are some medical traditions that do use urine as a part of their practice.
For patients who are just too grossed out by actual pee, synthetic urine is a good substitute because it is almost identical, chemically and physically, to real pee.
Products have to go through hella tests to be officially approved and sold. They need something to use in the lab or factory to test products like diapers and waterproof bed covers. Synthetic urine is used for that kind of product testing all the time!
Like I said, I’m definitely not a doctor or a scientist. I’m just a dude who knows a thing or two about passing a drug test. I’ve tested lots of products, and I can tell you that there are a few ingredients that go in every batch of fake piss no matter who makes it.
The first is distilled water (duh). Then you’ve got sodium chloride, Albumin powder, potassium chloride, sodium phosphate, urea, and creatinine.
These ingredients are meant to mimic the chemical and physical properties of actual human pee.
Overall, the reviews on UPass are mixed. It worked for me when I tried it at home, but I didn’t want to play around with this interview. I wanted to make sure I was using the best product available, simple as that.
That’s why I ended up going with Quick Fix, it had better reviews overall and worked for me when I tested it at home. Of course, I passed. Read more about it here.