This review was last updated on September, 2018.
Need to pass a drug test?
Make sure you read this Monkey Dong review before you buy!
Look, having clean piss for a substance screening is important. Especially when you’re standing there, Johnson in hand, at the sterile fortress that calls itself a clinic, waiting to see whether you get fired or not.
None of us like these tests, but they’re bound to happen to you. That is, if you want to stay employed.
You have probably thought to yourself there must be a way to beat this problem without giving up your lifestyle. The good news is… there is!
It’s called the Monkey Dong.
Strap this baby on around your waist, and you’re off to pass your next screening with flying colors.
It was designed for people like us. I went ahead and decided to use it, and now I’m going to pass my wisdom along to you so you can keep smoking AND get the job. If you want me to skip to the spoilers, I’ll tell you now it’s a purchase you won’t regret.
Let’s get into how the Monkey Dong works to help you beat the darn labs.
The Monkey Dong is a male urination device designed for men who smoke weed, or other party substances, and are ambushed by having to take a urine test.
We all know these tests don’t exactly make an accurate judge of your character. That is why the Monkey Dong was made so getting a job isn’t dependent on some yellow fluid that happened to come out of you a few days after a great party.
The device comes with a solution that has the highest standard of all the brands on the market.
I have to tell you, I felt awkward researching and testing these products and comparing them from one to the other. But the research has paid off in flying colors (yellow colors?), and I’ve settled the manufacturer’s claim as true.
At least - It worked for me! That’s all I can say.
But will this dispenser work to help you save your career too?
Let’s take a look so you can decide for yourself.
People may think these products can’t work, but what they don’t see are that tests aren’t checking your genetic code or anything. The lab is screening for what kind of chemicals are in your pee.
Swapping out your sample with this stuff that looks like the real thing will get you to pass the test.
Okay, so how does it actually work? Well… I’m glad you asked.
The way the Monkey Dong works is pretty simple.
You buy it, and once it arrives, you just open up the hilarious packaging it comes in and “equip it.” Don’t worry, the shipping packaging is totally discreet and the also do overnight shipping if you're in dire straights.
The entire system is basically a fake penis with a holding tank inside of it that carries the solution you attach over your groin area. I can’t believe how real this thing looks!
It’s held together by a belt that can fit up to a 45” waist. The liquid comes out through a silent valve in the strap-on dick straight into your sample cup.
Now, a big problem you’re probably thinking to yourself is… urine is hot stuff.
How do you keep the sample hot enough to pass the test rather than setting off an alarm bell to what you’re really doing?
When you buy the Monkey Dong, it comes with a few heating pads.
These heating pads are different than the ones you buy in a store - which will make the urine too hot.
Don’t make that mistake when trying to fool the testing machines.
The heating pads keep the solution at the perfect temperature for up to 8 hours to make sure your yellow elixir is good to go whenever you need it.
At this point, you might be thinking: “This is awesome, but I am a black/Asian/whatever and so a flaccid plastic white dick isn’t going to look exactly natural on me if they take a look…”
I actually had this problem myself with the other products on the market. Luckily, Monkey Dong comes in six different colors designed to match most common skin tones.
This worked out really well for me.
It blended so perfectly with my skin; my girlfriend even made a mistake thinking it was real! Talk about awkward (and hilarious)!
Currently, Monkey Dong comes in:
I’ve talked about how I compared the Monkey Dong really outperforms other products, so let’s go into that. What else is out there on the market?
Out of all the products out there for male urination devices, the closest one to the Monkey Dong is probably the Whizzinator. It has a similar system that includes heating pads, a syringe, the liquid solution, and a false penis strap-on to place around your hips.
The Whizzinator is supposedly a good system. From everything I can tell, it has more or less the same features.
The major flaw it has are the color tones were not exactly right like the Monkey Dong system. How embarrassing would it be to get called out on faking your urinalysis because of that?
The other thing that was a big no-no with the Whizzinator is the liquid holder just isn’t up to snuff. It leaks.
The Monkey Dong isn’t going to leak on you like what reviews say about the Whizzinator, meaning the solution is going to be a lot fresher and “natural.”
That is super important if you are planning on cheating your substance screening.
Every small detail matters, right?
Monkey Dong wins in my book because of three main reasons:
Here are details on where to buy Monkey Dong so you can pass that annoying exam.
The Monkey Dong urination device is only going set you back $90. That is nothing when you land the job that will pay it back in mere hours.
Failing a substance screening could easily cost you multiple paychecks. $90 is going to be a well-spent investment without you having to change a thing about your life.
You want to make sure you buy the device directly from the manufacturer, as there are many products out there masquerading as the real thing. But don’t be fooled.
While the purchase of a Monkey Dong knock-off won’t hurt you, it is the synthetic urine you really need to pay attention to.
Buying directly from an authorized reseller ensures the product you get is NOT expired (see here for our recommendations: www.syntheticurinereview.com). This is so important because you don’t want an expired solution that is missing important ingredients marking it as real pee.
At the end of the day, you have three options you’re looking at when trying to pass a piss test:
1. Try to detox on your own and pray for a passing test.
2. Make your own pee. However, you don't want to do that - there is no guarantee it will be clean or work to trick the laboratories.
3. Make your life simple - Forget all the stress and get the Monkey Dong package, pass your test, and keep your lifestyle with a new job.
The cool thing is, if for whatever reason you do not need to take the test, you can just send an unopened box back for a full refund. No questions asked.
Sound like a great deal? It is.
Hell Yeah! This device is affordable and more importantly reliable. It will get you over the finishing line.
The Monkey Dong system comes with everything you need:
Not a bad deal if you ask me.
Have a look at the happy customer below from a closed FB group.
Once you’re on the site, just click the green “Add to Cart” button and follow the directions from there. Trust me; it’s a sound investment.
I give it two dongs up.
If you are ready to pass your drug test with flying colors with maximum quality and minimal investment (on sale until the end of September), then click here below to buy your Monkey Dong now!
Next day shipping available!